The Land of Grimney - The Illustrated Adventures of Cora Pearl, aged 12

Oh dear Pellonia that's a bit harsh
It's not Philomena's fault
If all the men from Grimney Marsh
Have their brains down in their vaults

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Look at her playing a creature vexed,
That spoilt madam who is oversexed!
That golden hair and perfect smile,
Covers up the cunning and guile.
Mermaids are a most wicked breed,
She should be sent back to the seaweed.

But it is quite amusing
To watch all the men grovel and scrape
It's also quite bemusing
How they can't drag their eyes from her shape

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Think what you will of my faults
And shout them in the Poetry Vaults.
Your thoughts of my race are quite clear,
But I do not care how much you jeer.
Rand Kalvos is my one true love,
We belong together like hand and glove.

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Amusing for you but not for me,
I would rather her be consigned to the sea.
The men around her have lost their minds
Her beautiful form makes commonsense blind.
Her beauty alone draws them near,
They would be better off drowned in beer.

But it's plain for all to see
She only has eyes for one
You can't blame the men for trying
'Cos once she's gone she's gone!

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Meadow dear I really don't care,
Pellonia must be jealous of my hair,
And my perfectly shaped peachy rear
That make the mildest men leer.
I don't mind if she's bitter,
For my mermaid beauty will still glitter.

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Yes glitter it does like a jewel
And I'd like a bite of that peach
You really make me drool
Come for a drink I beseech

Meadow please explain you your friend
There is only one man who has a happy end
I have no desire to drink with another,
And have no interest in a different lover.

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Oh he's not my friend
He's just a boozer
In the bar where I work
He's a bit of a schmoozer
Between you and me
Don't think he's all there
He talks up his sleeve
when there's nobody there!
He works undercover
for some elite group
Reports to his boss
While he's eating his soup
Surely there's no harm
In having a drink
with the poor old soul
Who could do with a shrink.

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