DON1 - SANTA CLAUS ; THE TRUE STORY

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by Don1

There's a man in the North called Santa Claus

who comes and goes each year because

he likes to make the Christmas gifts for children.

He has a wife who's very large

and always wants to be in charge

especially when he's working in the kitchen.

And he has a horse to pull his sleigh

(he sacked the reindeers by the way)

the horse's name is Horace and he's thick.

Santa's favourite food is mince

it's the only thing he can eat since

a reindeer knocked his teeth out with a kick.

He's a skinny wee man and he has no hair

and Mrs Claus makes him wear

a big red suit and a phoney beard and wig.

All his helpers left one day

when Mrs Claus wouldn't pay

their wages then she charged them for their digs.

She makes him take on part time chores

working in department stores

frightening little kiddies in his grotto.

And sometimes when he's very skint

he often tries to make a mint

by buying a ticket for the national lotto.

He really is a miserable old twit

and doesn't like his wife one bit

he thinks she's overbearing and too snappy.

The only time he gets away

is after he loads up the sleigh

on Christmas eve and then he's really happy.

So spare a thought for this wee man

and try to remember if you can

the life he leads is really not so pleasant.

And when you wake up on Christmas day

don't be surprised or even dismayed

to find he hasn't left you any presents.

© Don1 2011

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