DON1 - SANTA CLAUS ; THE TRUE STORY
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There's a man in the North called Santa Claus
who comes and goes each year because
he likes to make the Christmas gifts for children.
He has a wife who's very large
and always wants to be in charge
especially when he's working in the kitchen.
And he has a horse to pull his sleigh
(he sacked the reindeers by the way)
the horse's name is Horace and he's thick.
Santa's favourite food is mince
it's the only thing he can eat since
a reindeer knocked his teeth out with a kick.
He's a skinny wee man and he has no hair
and Mrs Claus makes him wear
a big red suit and a phoney beard and wig.
All his helpers left one day
when Mrs Claus wouldn't pay
their wages then she charged them for their digs.
She makes him take on part time chores
working in department stores
frightening little kiddies in his grotto.
And sometimes when he's very skint
he often tries to make a mint
by buying a ticket for the national lotto.
He really is a miserable old twit
and doesn't like his wife one bit
he thinks she's overbearing and too snappy.
The only time he gets away
is after he loads up the sleigh
on Christmas eve and then he's really happy.
So spare a thought for this wee man
and try to remember if you can
the life he leads is really not so pleasant.
And when you wake up on Christmas day
don't be surprised or even dismayed
to find he hasn't left you any presents.
© Don1 2011