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by Iceman

Its quarter to Eight and nan sits alone
Eastenders is suitably violent
Then without warning there goes the phone
When she answers it's suddenly silent.

Then a click and a whirr and a very loud buzz
As a young Asian guy breaks the quiet
"Good evening Miss Cartwright I wont make a fuss
I have something, I Know you will buy it!"

"But really young man i don't think I would
I'm sure you are wasting your time"
"Ahh but Miss Cartwright the deals so good
Believe me its worth every dime."

So nan just sits back and hears the old craic
As the man tries to pedal his wares
"I'm here to save legs and even your back
With a seat that will take you upstairs."

"It makes you a cuppa and sings you a song
And carries you like you're on air
From bottom to top it wont take you long
you arrive with scarcely a care"

"But".. Nan interrupts with the gentlest of tones
And says "Oooh it really sounds nice
its just not for me, can i watch the tv?
As Eastenders is my only vice."

Our man has'nt heard her he's into his pitch
There's really no stopping his banter
I've got you a discount, there wont be a glitch
And we"ll throw in a crystal decanter

"Now look here young man you are wasting your time"
Gran says with the longest of sighs
"But Miss my stairlift"s the best that there is"
And continues as she rolls her eyes

"I tell you this now i will alter my price
just for you more than fifty per cent!"
"No thanks" says our Nan still being so nice
"It really dont make any sense"

"It will save you a walk to the top of the stairs
It will make you so happy I know!"
"That's maybe" she grumbles "ask someone who cares!"
"Cos I live in new Bungalow...!"

The phone then fell silent a word was'nt spoken
our salesmen knew he was beat
The banter was gone and his spirit was broken
He beat out a hasty retreat.

The dial tone sent out a horrible sound
As Nan put the phone on the shelf
"There's not a dull moment with that lot around"
Nan chuckled along to herself.

So slowly she eased back into her chair
Eastenders was still just as minging
She put on her earmuffs with hardly a care
With the phone again noisily ringing...........

© Iceman 2011


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