NYDAS - CANNOT THE WILL
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Cannot Will Not
Sitting in my cave, peeping from the door,
watching out for any passing threat.
The vestiges of life, quivering behind
the cave walls, safely festering yet.
Others approach, offer company and solace,
they cannot put their foot inside the door
unless they pass the tests, and few of them do,
Far fewer since the days I spent with you.
The fear that keeps me company, sitting at my side,
makes sure that I am solitary within.
Regardless of the qualities, whatever they may bring
I will not risk letting that person in.
No one can know my history, some know a little part
but the whole must stay wrapped up inside my mind.
Others can’t be trusted to safely manage all
the aspects of the daily mental grind.
You offer me friendship.
You offer me love,
but only one can I afford to take.
I can not love you back, there’s too much now I lack
but friendships I will never ever break.
And so I sit inside my cave, craving what I fear
Knowing I’ll not take the risk of letting love in here.
Acceptance would be helpful, to appreciate my lot.
To see the wondrous things I have, not mourn what I have not.
I cannot have what I will not have
down that path self-destruction
So unless one day my fear subsides
I keep myself in traction.
© Nydas 2011