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by WaylandCybersmith


'I'm telling you Jack, if you don't turn off that Sat Nav, I'm going to throw it out the window.'

'No, Jenny. I need it. It's vital for work.'

'But why does it have that voice?'

'What voice?'

'That..that. Oooh! You know.'

'What's wrong with it? It's clear, and tells me exactly where I need to go.'

'After one hundred yards, turn right, gorgeous.'

‘I’m telling you, Jack, I’ve just about had it with the voice of that – that - HUSSY!’

‘Do people still say that?’

‘Don’t change the subject.’

‘Look. How will we know where to go without Sat Nav?’

‘I can read a map.’

‘OK, I’ll turn the Sat Nav off, you direct us to Lemster, and we’ll stop for lunch.’

Jenny reached round, and grabbed the map book, riffling the pages to Worcester where they had begun their journey. She followed the roads with her finger, then stopped and stared at the book. Then she turned to the index, turning a few pages, then traced down with her finger, then went back to the map page.


‘Yes, Lemster.’

‘A little village north of Ludlow?’

‘What are you talking about? Lemster’s a big place. Famous.’

‘Well, I can’t find it.’

Jack braked sharply and grabbed the map book.

‘Look. Here! HERE! LEMSTER!’

‘That says Leominster.’

‘It’s pronounced “Lemster.”’

‘Well, why didn’t you say you wanted to go to Leominster?’

‘It’s pronounced “LEMSTER!”’

The two quietly fumed during the rest of the journey. Jack changed gears sharply and Jenny shot him angry looks that contained more acid than words ever could. They pulled into the restaurant car park, went in and sat down. Eventually a waitress came over to them to take the order.

‘Before we do that, could you answer a question?’


‘Look, Jenny, I just want to settle this once and for all.’

‘It doesn’t matter. Let’s just eat our meal in peace.’

‘Miss. My wife and I had a disagreement on the way here. Please could you tell me. What is the correct way to pronounce the name of this place?’


© WaylandCybersmith 2011


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