MATHEW JAMES OULD ORAM - SILENTLY SINKING, SUDDENLY SHORE. (SHORT STORIES)

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by GnomeingSpriteicus

ARROW MIND ARROW BULLSEYE HOORAH

 

 

The arrow makes him an internal killing item, one to be remembered, not like a snail pushed to the background without a care. This soldier has several eccentricities, which makes him ideal for battle, for example, endless chatter to the opposition. There are also his looks, which cause the eternal angel to sit down on the battlefield, who appears moments before the battle commences. This angel is not religious and is not favouring one side to another. However, from her nose, the field is showered with lights, which energizes most fighters brains with courage.

 

 

This was soldier’s aim, a desire to pinch a piece of history. He rehearsed it in private, everywhere, a chance to go down in history books as a humorous killer on the battlefield. When he fired the arrow, fire raged from the bow, from what he felt was from the heart. He watched it, his baby, his reward, weaving its way among other arrows into the king’s eye. History books appear hundreds of years later, facts disproved. Yet the arrow in the eye, that’s what children remember, don’t they? “Thank you it’s always on my lips.”  

 

 

Well with the battle still raging, it was easy to check the face of the king. Yes, he has measles, which made his killer stick out his tongue at him. The king was ugly, that’s why the arrow found it’s mark. The King’s eyes were so many different colours, that suspicion rose from him during his lifetime, to penetrate his opponents with eternal fate. The King’s body was flung on a sheep and King’s killer soldier walked by fighting men shouting “look at this body, the King no longer breathes for 0.1 seconds or more.” Nobody dared touch the soldier, you know any killer of King’s is immortal. The soldier’s family have left their hovel, because he is now the master, having wiped out “Sir, King, I’ll scrape your boots no more.” It’s the only arrow he fired in the battle, so was it luck? enquired a distant relative hundreds of years later, talking to a group of tourists on the battlefield. 

 

 

A little boy in the group spoke up, this relative was no killer, but wanted democracy. He should have killed more, yet went for the main prize, “Battlefield glory.” The relative signalled the tour as over and without warning, hundreds of diggers started churning up the place to build houses. So the relative went home and ate all his books about the battle. It was so meaningless, hundreds of hours giving tours of the battlefield, hundreds of years later.

 

 

The relative hit some old discarded flint object with his boot and a broken piece entered his eye. At the hospital because of his battlefield ramblings, which bores the community to laughter, was given immediate surgery. However, this failed which meant he would be blind for the rest of his life. Yet visiting that museum of the battlefield, it was the old woman who stalked those walls, refusing to ever stop talking and earning a living selling goods. She was harmless and staff thought she was a member of the public doing voluntary work. However, when the relative stumbled over her, his sight was restored and yes she was the angel on the battlefield, who claimed religion saved her. The relative found her a wheelchair and she changed into an old woman, who needed a companion, so the relative decided to be it.

 

 

So that was the relatives new job helping the disabled and the lady led him to an arrow exhibited in the museum. It glowed but only when he touched it and when he did magnificence arrived. The room was filled with every worthy king and Queen of the Country to rule this country, they were all alive and well for the first time in the same room. The relative threw some lime juice over them, so they flapped their arms and disappeared into the night sky. Somebody has drawn a picture of the event, yet on the different Rulers arms were signed with one name. It was the name of the distant relative who wiped out our Monarchy, with that one fateful arrow. This was because when that king was killed by the arrow, democracy disappeared in the Country.

 

 

Now democracy could return to the Country because all suitable candidates to the throne were sighted together for the first time. The final relative of Killer King died that same day and democracy reigned once more in the land.

 

 

 

BABIES TAKE OVER DAY CENTRE-BETTER OFF NOW?

 

 

The unaware new dad actually did a handstand and prayed to the sun. This was before going into the baby’s daycentre, to drop off his baby, 3 month old “Petal.” The noise was like a screaming piano, put out of tune by a pack of wolves at volume 11. There were two people in their 30’s, who smiled at Simon the dad, despite baby’s crawling up their legs, wiping their noses on the trousers. Simon left, but tripped up over a large doll and the whole room filled with laughter.

 

 

Yes, it was David, a man always in a hurry, dropping off his child “hand mania” 11 months old. A big notice outside was obvious, but Roger opened the front door wide. Suddenly one baby started to march around the room. The Teacher tried to grab her, but she laughed in an adult kind of way and started to march much faster. She then started singing in Baby language and another baby started singing a different song. The four people in charge pleaded for silence, using all methods. The examples included stretching their noses a few feet and cooking sausages on them.

 

 

Gradually more and more babies were marching in all different ways. The helpers tried to do the same, but magic only happened to babies today. Maybe it was simply a Wednesday, when strange things always happen, because there is a rational answer for them. The babies were actually being filmed by an 18-month year old, using paper and trousers. Another one was painting the room with a large pretend owl, in all kinds of colours not seen before on this earth. In fact, their singing words joined together, there were 40 babies now singing in adult words.  The lights went twice as low and the babies’ clothes started to change into young children’s ones, despite the oldest baby being 11 months old.

 

 

The room started to change shape; it used to be all one room. Now walls started to appear and doors as well. At this point, the babies stopped marching and divided themselves into separate rooms, the teachers just had to go outside to recover their strange heads. The front door was shut, but the damage was surely done. Furniture filled the different rooms, plus a bath, food of all weird kinds and all modern as well. The building now had an upper layer with four bedrooms and a lower layer with kitchen, dining room and lounge.

 

 

The babies all had different jobs to do in the different rooms. One was catching earwigs, so they could play a game of chess with them. Another was filling the bath with real ducks to amuse a child. One baby volunteered to be a curtain in one room, which is very nice, is it not when guests are arriving there? One baby marched around the rooms checking everything, including that the blankets were made out of straw. The baby’s clothes were all different colours and their hair was very futuristic looking, have they changed time zones?

 

 

Outside, there was chaos. Parents arriving to pick their baby’s up, had nearly crashed into each other. Some had driven past the place, because of the new building in front of them. There were 40 adults, they all knocked and waited. They dared not open the door, because of the large sign. Finally the door opened and there was baby George wearing 16 different colours of clothes, holding a baby’s loaf of sweets, saying “Please all enter, Hello Mum.” Well nobody dared refuse, so in they went.

 

 

In each room were their babies, all getting on with tasks, in a dim light. Suddenly the children walked towards the adults and surrounded them singing nursery rhymes. The adults vanished and appeared in another room to eat. In another room, it was filled with string. Each adult then held onto the string and the window was opened. The adults expected to float in the air, but found they were just on solid ground. There were welcoming sights, so they went off and amused themselves. Other worried parents turned up at the day centre, but it was one of the best days of their lives. Surely magic had arrived in this place today?

 

 

There were huge crowds outside this strange building which had appeared, but nobody could open the front door. The police arrived and tried breaking down the front door. Finally it opened and there were all the babies in a large circle, playing catch the teacher. The room was the same as before, and the police opened another door. There were all the adults holding bananas and were stuck onto shoe cleaning machines. However, when the police spoke they were freed and left the building laughing.

 

 

The adults never forgot that day, because they were able to cope much better with the children. The adults were all their desired weights and the children. The babies were all to young to tell them what had happened, but one day who knows? They were glad somebody from outside opened the door, instead of knocking and waiting. It was tried again, but nothing happened.

 

 

On the roof is still a baby checking the roof. The baby is very happy and always comes down when the day centre closes for the day and is taken home. How it gets on the roof nobody knows, but there is no way this baby can fall.   

 

 

 

“BACK TO SCHOOL AFTER RETIREMENT-WHAT A GOOD LAUGH”?

 

 

A man called Tie lined up, the next to go back to school. It is a programme that a school has developed, those who failed at school, had to return for a final year, if they reached the age of 65. Tie was aged 65 and could carry on working, because Tie was a writer and had been a full time author for the last 25 years. Tie was dragged in, Tie had been left for three months for his body to grow into a tree in a lab. Then people would escort the trees with the body, sometimes on a roof of the car back to this school. You see there was no writing allowed here for tie, because it would be an unfair advantage for him, above the others. Tie would be assessed on oral communication and if successful may be allowed to leave before the academic year ends.

 

 

At one stage, a funeral took place and the hall was covered with stinging nettles to mark this event. Yet in fact it was a mock funeral, announcing the death of Tie as a human being. This was because Tie’s communication was not considered that good at school after 3 months. He was happiest when alone writing, which took him 21 years before he was recognized. He did many jobs he disliked up to the age of 40 and was the butt of many people’s jokes. He had had many friends, but when he became well known, friends deserted him. They simply did not know what to say to him, but they were not jealous.

 

 

It was a boarding school, but Tie was the only one who did. He suffered from sleep disorders, so was able to write during the night. His leaves grew and his body lessened in size, but felt most alive when his art was flowing to people’s minds and helping them. You see the public never saw Tie’s name etc mentioned, but was under “not known.” Tie had received royalties etc, but his name was a mystery, done Tie said, “So as not to suffer delusions of grandeur, schizoid etc.”

 

 

One day at mealtime, Tie suddenly fell on the floor in exhaustion. A teacher rushed up and started flogging Tie with a stick; Tie was the only pupil in the dining room. Tie’s branches started to wilt and the room suddenly filled with so many people all Ties’ age, whose bodies had grown into trees. Many pupils and staff flogged tie. The tree, which Tie’s body had grown into, grew ever better, more branches, more fruit etc. The other pupils had appeared, because they preferred the oral skills at the school. This was because everything in retirement was done via computer, hardly anybody spoke, and even people above 80 used computers a great deal.

 

 

The trees walked out by themselves, each now had a stick in their hand. When they were all outside, they began to flog themselves and that is when they started to cover the walls of the building. Each tree had a pupil growing out of it, like Tie. Some stopped when others did and by magic were turned into statues, to impress the public who were called visitors. The trees had their achievements written on themselves by the teachers, about the oral communication skills the pupils had obtained.

 

 

The rest of the trees ate the building. It was also bombed by tree pellets, initially by flying trees, i.e. those with pupils on them, who had escaped. Also all the old trees had come back as human beings and had no tree around them. Every tree in the country lined up outside the school, with people hanging on to the trees, to receive education after retirement. However, so much of the school had been eaten, it may have had to close. Sorry, the school has now vanished and all there is are hundreds of trees making shapes. How wonderful the trees are, making schools for people, so many trees returned home around the country. They returned by walking 2 steps and saying “Let me go back to.” If they did not say please after, a pupil would be flogged.

 

 

Therefore, that is what is happening now. The trees are flogged 24 hours a day by staff, who never leave the place. The staff is all named after trees and will never die. Computers are used less at work, due to TV coverage of this school event. The school that was eaten was finally put into an Ocean, which floated until its parts were used by people successfully as many schools.

 

 

Tie was taken to that school after retirement, because his writing became recognized after he finished school at 16. His efforts should have been taken further before 40, but he never had an agent. He worked in an office and people laughed about him trying to get into writing. The writing by Tie was his own invention; others worked at places, not of their own creation. Tie by thinking can print out words for fans. Goodbye Tie, all the best, you deserve it.

 

 

BOY TURNS INTO CREATURES AND OTHER HAPPENINGS

 

A boy was out in the countryside by himself, sitting on grass in a field, thinking about life’s essential food.  Suddenly a rumbling underground was heard, the usual wolf-Vole argument no doubt.  But no, the grass shot in the air, even the cows far away, were not best pleased.  Whole sections of ground moved at once and out of the ground appeared this figure about 6 foot tall.  The boy did not run, for his feet could not move.  The figure was made out of many kinds of nuts with face etc of that of a human.  Boy wished he had a camera, to impress his eccentric Great Aunt, who always mentioned about marbled beings underground.

 

There was lots of cow dung nearby and one arm of the figure was shifting through it, but not complaining about the smell, what manners!  Suddenly boy’s feet saw freedom, he started to run, but curiosity as always won through. Boy looked around and the cow dung had been made into the shape of a magnet. Boy run at this point, a few seconds later a shadow appeared over his head, he looked up and to his surprise, saw the tip of the magnet. Boy looked back and saw that the magnet was many feet long, still being held in the figures hand. The magnet was no longer made of cow dung, but had been turned into a normal magnet.

 

Boy sunk to his knees, knowing it was useless to run, the magnet wrapped itself around boy like an adder having drunk 3 whisky’s.  Boy was not afraid of being touched by the magnet which surely most people would?  The magnet grabbed some of boy’s hair, a noise was heard by the figure in the distance.  This was because whatever extra force boy was going to be touched by the magnet, was being released by the figure, straight into the magnet.  The magnet then touched boy’s hair, oh, how funny, boy’s hair has 100 different hair cuts, but does not know yet.  Boy ran away and looking back saw the magnet and the nut figure playing games against each other.

 

Boy ran back to the house, everybody there started grabbing his hair, but the different haircuts would not be forced apart. Outside the house, again boy’s hand began to change, people tried to help but could do nothing. Boy’s legs began to change as well, oh no, even his face now.  People ran away, as fast as something boiling over very quickly.  Well boy is now very many creatures all stuck together as one person.  It is fantastic to see and when creatures speak, it is in a girl boy voice.  A billboard poster was put up and some people saw the poster change like a film. The poster was of boy being shown slowly how he changed into these non recognizable creatures.  This film is being shown repeatedly, nobody can stop it and now nobody wants it stopped.

 

Boy or creatures, which ever you prefer to say, was grabbed by figures and taken to a large house nearby.  Inside it acted as a hospital, when suddenly a six headed owl buzzed around them.  Boy/weird creatures were put into a room on their own, a triple bed had been set up, because of the many creatures boy had turned into.  The creatures slept for many hours, in the middle of the night, the creatures were put on a stretcher and taken away to another room.  On the way, staff passing by were all aged 80+ and wearing uniform of another era.  Inside a room, five masked staff started to put different kinds of medical paint on the creatures, which caused no pain.  When all the paint was put on and after being photographed at different times, the creatures were put back in the same room.  The paint caused them to sleep for many hours.

 

In the early morning, staff went into the creatures room and to their amazement, the creatures had gone.  There was boy, fast asleep, the same body as before.  Suddenly he made weird sounds and started thrashing about and out of his mouth appeared ten different animals, all different from the creatures boy had turned into.  They included a guinea pig and a porcupine all in baby form, who then all blended into one animal, a baby ant eater. Thus boy has become the first male to give birth and probably will remain the only person ever to give birth to animals.  Despite photos being taken of the birth of the animals, boy and the hospital are trying to prove to the World what happened. 

 

Boy is now a man and interestingly his woman partner gave birth to twin human girls.  Boy can be seen in photos with his mouth open and the animals coming out, this has been dismissed as a fake, produced by the hospital staff for fame or notoriety.  It seems that because the hospital only employ staff who are aged 80+, that the birth was not taken seriously. 

 

Oh yes, every night, when boy now a man looks outside at night, 10 animals gather outside.  Instead of repeating the story to his wife about his birth of animals, man waves and wonders how they are all getting along in the World.  When he goes outside and puts down 3 sultanas, only the ant eater appears to eat them.  Oh well, life is strange.

 

 

 

“CAPTURED HUMAN,STRANGE BEHAVIOUR, CAN YOU BLAME HER”?

 

 

There she was in a little space, a hostage for 4 months. As usual, Hilda was going to do some exercises, when somebody knocked on the door. Well she knew it was not the couple who had kidnapped her, because they both wore saucepans on their head, so as not to be recognized. One of them would knock on the floor 3 times, the other one 6 times. The saucepans had holes in them for their eyes and they were brightly decorated of sandy beaches with a notice saying “Wish you were here.”

 

The door opened and in walked a crab, which had walked for days on end, well it said it did in polite terms. The baby crabs entered the room and all of them started doing press ups and somersaults, for about ten minutes. Poor Hilda tried doing the same, but after 6 months of travelling somewhere new every 2 days, she had little energy left. So the crabs moved her backwards and forwards using their claws, this was welcome acupuncture for Hilda. This went on for two hours, Hilda felt alive again after months of feared lunacy. Her legs spun so fast, the crabs were flung against the wall, which made them climb up and down it for ages, disposing of crab meat on the floor. This was scooped up by Hilda and kept in secret in an unused handkerchief.

 

 

A cat entered the room carrying a chain and meowed 3 times. The chain wrapped itself around Hilda, who luckily had lost lots of desired weight. The cat then meowed softer and each time this happened, the chain moved with Hilda on the floor, until they reached a table. Yes, this was the first time Hilda had been invited to sit down at a table since her nightmare imprisonment began. She begged for forgiveness for the usual ten minutes and was then allowed to sit at the table. There on it was a large card with 3 darts in them, all pointing at the triple 20. The card read “The first 180 days of kidnap are the best.” It was signed by first and second pleasure, Mr & Mrs.

 

 

A huge chocolate kind of bun filled the whole table with cream in. A voice from nearby, from Mrs Pleasure said “You have only 3 minutes to eat this delight, if you do, your sentence maybe reduced.” Mrs pleasure counted down to five, Hilda opened her mouth and ate like never before. Her eyes popped out on the table and back in again very quickly, just a few seconds later, cat would have pinched them and washed them down with water. When the 3 minutes was up, 2 skeletons walked in the room to take the knocked out Hilda to some new rest area. The cream had overcome the sensitive Hilda, who could not cope with this unexpected luxury.

 

 

In the night Hilda woke up, presuming it was 4 O’clock by the amount of spots on her hand. It had taken a few months to work out this device, but these things happen when one is in strange circumstances and has lots of free time. She could now see fully in the dark without her eyesight being affected. She planned when free, on how to develop this skill in an 8 week session. Suddenly Hilda opened her mouth and was as sick as she had ever been in her life. However, when she looked down at the floor, nothing was there. At first she thought cat had pinched it, but it had travelled through a hole in the wall and onto the pavement outside.

 

 

However when Hilda was sick, a post person was going past and the sick landed on the back of the Post persons jacket. The person shook their fist in the air, those nuisance pigeons spitting on her back again, just because she had eaten pigeon custard one week ago. Post person arrived at the mill and as usual, she expected her back to be cleaned. The person at the mill had some special liquid, which seemed to dissolve the pigeon spit. However this time the lady at the mill was very excited, because the sick on post persons back was starting to form something. The husband was woken up, always very happy and naturally intrigued by what kind of sick it was this time.

 

 

The post person was taped onto one of the windmill masts and slowly it went around. Every so often, some sick would drop off the post persons back and fall to the ground. This reaction caused a map to form on the ground, which intrigued the two vomit enthusiasts, who always found the location. The map showed the  location of Hilda.  Imagine how post person felt having been sacked from tomorrow for losing letters. Suddenly the vomit was gone of post persons back and Hilda woke up, back in her own home, after months away.   

 

 

But no, it had all been a dream, controlled by Mr and Mrs Saucepan, other name Mr and Mrs Pleasure. They had been unwell for years and had heard from an old legend, if you kidnapped somebody, your health would improve. However, during the kidnapping of Hilda, remorse had set in. This had caused replica’s of Mr and Mrs Pleasure to form as humans elsewhere and by chance they got to work in the windmill. It was hard work, but in the end, it was made worthwhile by releasing Hilda.

 

 

Sorry, it was not a dream, but Mr and Mrs Saucepan, other name Mr and Mrs Pleasure, had been asleep for 6 months. In that time, 2 beings formed from them and it was they who had done the kidnapping. It was the longest time any couple had slept for and look what trouble it caused. By the way, post person was made a hero and kept her job.

 

 

EARTHLY ELEMENTS RICES VISION MUCH COURAGE

 

 

Sherbert was an 8 year old girl and she wanted to play games, but there was nobody else nearby. The house had little room, there was no garden and Sherbert’s mum called Lair was busy at work, sewing to make a living. Sherbert’s dad called Rice had died 6 years earlier whilst marrying Lair. It was their marriage day at a 19th century factory and they both had finished saying “I Do”, when a sign telling workers about concentration   fell from the roof and killed poor Rice. Some people fainted and against a hard floor caused problems, whilst people started arguing over who was going to marry Lair now. Anyway you can imagine the rest of the day yourself. Sherbert was 2 years old that day.

 

 

Sherbert went out to play in the forest and started clearing away the leaves. The birds would then bring her eggs, saying they were happy for sherbert and Mother to eat them. This was translated through an object nearby Sherbert, but she was not sure who it exactly was. It was round and only a few inches high and appeared to have no head and no eyes. Sherbert would then pick up some protection from other intruders for this ‘companion’ and said “goodbye.”

 

 

Lair and Sherbert then saw 3 birds having problems with a slug. The slug was very big because somebody had dumped some kind of fertilizer nearby the home. The slug had made some kind of web and with its huge tongue was attracting the birds towards it. Luckily Lair started using her sewing needle and spun some of the web into her jumper, which freed the birds.

 

 

Lair, Sherbert and some other animals then grabbed hold of slug and pulled and pushed it. Everybody got muddled between pull and push, so slug’s body was twisted at the sides. This meant that everybody could sit down, it was such a nice feeling that the problem between pulling and pushing went away. Silly slug was asleep, as soon as it woke up, everybody let go suddenly and slug was back to its normal size. Ever since slug had been into contact with the fertilizer, slug had acted like a human. Slug had no idea about trying to kill birds and how it made the web, so everybody blamed the fertilizer.

 

 

This was Lair’s big day. She was exhibiting various pieces at an open air sewing convention. There were lots of people attending and plenty of goods were being purchased. Suddenly Lair saw many creatures she knew in the forest and people backed away in fright and left the convention. None of the creatures left and neither did sherbert. The other sellers were annoyed with Lair and that she was some kind of freak knowing these animals.

 

 

Four people then walked near them and collapsed of suspected heart failure. People screamed and for an unknown reason ran away quickly, Lair and Sherbert were the only people left. Lair walked around the animals, staring more and more at them and gradually the animals began to fade. Lair did not know what was happening, but Sherbert was walking around the animals as well, but again like Lair suddenly did not move. Soon all the animals were gone, but instead there was snow, where the animals had been. There was water on the snow, but it was not melting it. At that moment, the ill people appeared in the water, people from the convention then walked back straight away gathering around them.

 

 

The 4 people, 3 ladies and one man were in a right state, but Lair and Sherbert calmed them down, encouraging them to meditate for a few minutes. Lair then realized that the snow and water had vanished. Nobody knew how it happened, but Sherbert had a camera and a clear picture printed straight away. It showed the snow and water with the 4 people in it. Everyone went home and the picture appeared in the papers, with sales being higher the next day.

 

 

On the evening of that event, Lair and Sherbert embraced each other for a couple of minutes. Suddenly beside them, Husband and Dad “Rice” appeared for a few minutes then vanished. Rice had been a vet and had worked for a local practice. When Rice appeared beside Wife and daughter, it was the anniversary of Lair’s friends death who was called Camphick. She had died, savaged by a dog, presumed dead by Rice. Rice admitted when alive, he had never been good talking to people. He should have listened to Camphick, that the animal was still alive.

 

 

This is why Rice in death had made the snow and water appear, because he wanted to help people. Rice had been so busy after death still helping animals in heaven or whatever you wish to say where he was. Now Rice could rest in peace and so could Lair and Sherbert, because Rice had helped humans after death. Rice in life had wasted all his money and Lair’s, but now once again there was true love between the three of them.

 

 

Oh yes, did you guess what Sherbert’s companion was in the forest, when she was talking to the birds? It was Lair’s handbag, why it talked and was found there nobody knows, but it vanished on the day Of her Wedding.

 

 

FAMOUS IN THE END

 

 

The Art Gallery was busy, filled with people of all kinds, because the artist was famous.  One wondered if all the countries in the World were given the Artists name, if even 10% had heard of her.  Richard spent a long time in front of one picture at the exhibition and amazingly the picture changed shape.  The figures became much bigger and were dressed in costumes not from this country.  Richard was going to complain, because a theft had obviously occurred.  The Art Gallery Manager thought Richard stupid, because when the Manager looked, it was the same as before.

 

Richard investigated other pictures in the exhibition and other pictures started to change as well.  Sometimes animals appeared, also village and religious scenes as well.  Richard felt he was ill and must see a Doctor.  A week later, Richard got a job domestic cleaning at the Art Gallery using a vacuum cleaner.  He placed it too near a picture and to his horror, the vacuum got stuck to the picture.  Suddenly the vacuum attacked Richard and swallowed him into the storage space of the machine, luckily the picture was undamaged.  Another worker at the Art Gallery chucked the vacuum out of the door as rubbish, evidently not hearing Richard’s cries for help.  Eventually somebody rode past the Art Gallery on a go cart and thought that the vacuum cleaner could accompany her on her journey to a far away place.  The woman heard wriggling inside the vacuum, but was afraid to open it.  She instead poured water down the tube and food as well, concluding that she may be tried for murder, if the object inside the vacuum cleaner died.

 

Her journey took many weeks still using the go cart.  Richard got used to his small surroundings still inside the vacuum cleaner and received a far better diet than at home.  When Richard was eventually released, he thanked the lady, for taking him away on a holiday.  On the first night, whilst in separate rooms in a hotel, Richard opened the drawers to see if there were any eccentric items in there and was amazed to see one of his own paintings, drawn a few years ago.  In the next few days, he discovered around the country that many of his paintings were inside various cupboards etc in hotels, shops and even people’s homes.  Suddenly Richard was a cult item, all his paintings were brought together and a triumphant exhibition was held a few days later in that country, the first in Richard’s Art career.

 

Richard began to realize that some people kept coming back to his exhibition, Richard was afraid of the exhibition becoming elitist, instead of the usual vast and varied masses attending, so he shut down the show.  He then heard that a few months ago a man had distributed the paintings to hotels etc in this country only and Richard had not been told.  However, Richard was not angry, he adored this moment of cult status. Richard came back to the exhibition and donated all the paintings, to places which would benefit many people.  Richard was glad because it would mean more cult status for himself, rather than being a machine turning out many pictures quickly.  The Lady and Richard drove the go cart back home singing all the time, so they did not have to pedal the go cart at all.

 

Back at the Art Gallery were Richard worked, Richard opened the doors in the morning, only to find himself swamped in paper.  Indeed, the whole of the Gallery was full, top to bottom with paper.  When Richard waded through he was startled to see five people in there reading the bits of paper.  Richard said ‘You are breaking the law, the gallery does not open until 9.02 am, it is clearly 8.59 am and how did you get in?  One of the people said ‘We jumped out of one of the pictures on show here when the post person arrived with all these letters for this place.’ ‘The bag was so big, six of us had to drag it in, we had to tip them all out, because the bag was wanted back, it took 20 minutes to tip them out.’

 

Luckily Richard saw the Manager arriving and members of public, so everybody dived in to sort the mail.  It took a long time, but every letter was about the same person.  It was about an artist, which the five people who jumped out of the picture had heard about.  Now the five people knew what their real purpose was, to go back and tell the 80 year old woman artist, who was in the picture, some important news.  This artist was trying to get known in the Art World globally  for decades and had sent examples of her work to many places in the World without success.  What was so annoying was that all these letters were written to her, but had all gone missing, they had been incorrectly addressed or filed in the wrong place.  They had now all been redirected to this Art Gallery, because it is the most famous one in the World.

 

There was much jubilation in this artist’s village which was in another country far away.  She chose to travel back by Porcupine, because this one would only need to eat stones on the journey.  Meanwhile at the most famous Art Gallery in the World, 40 of the above female artist’s paintings were collected from around the Country, which were found in a wide variety of places.  Luckily these were all the ones which she had sent away over the years.  It was an embarrassing situation that such a breakdown in communication had occurred between the Art Galleries and the Artist, but the latter forgave them all.

 

On each day of her exhibition, people stood on each others shoulders so high, they reached up and through the clouds, because so many people queued up.  The exhibition was a great success and the lady Artist became globally well known.  Richard meanwhile maintained his cult status in the Art World, he is still best known in the Lady Artist’s Country.  By the way, all her mail sent to and collected from the most famous Art Gallery in the World, was put on public display in an Art Gallery specially dedicated to her.

 

 

First Day as President

 

I woke up on my first day of being President and there was no security outside my door.  This pleased me, because I believe in democracy, so surely I have no enemies who want to kill me?  Making my own breakfast was liberation for me, as it made me thinking of fasting for a day.  Companies can sponsor me and the money goes towards people who are hungry.  My office for work is small, if it was big, I might have delusions of how important I am and keep on extending it.  It’s better that visitors in private remark on the size of the office, so they will hopefully think better of me.

 

I inspected the road outside my front door, which is in a bad way, so I asked for the roads to be mended in the poorest areas of town instead of mine.  People from there actually went to my house and thanked me personally without encouragement by any of my staff.  One felt humbled letting them stay how long they wanted to.  If the road outside my house looked the smartest, people in poorer areas would accuse me of showing off and make their poverty seem worse.

 

Whilst I walked around the town, people recognized who I was and walked up to me handing envelopes containing tasks they wanted done.  This made them satisfied that they could hand their worries to me personally, rather through someone else.  They are proud that they can get so close to me without being pulled away from security staff.

 

I telephoned all the opposition leaders and wished them well in their job.  They may well dig into my past, which is not a problem.  However if its untrue what they say about me, the party concerned will have to make a forfeit and give a charitable donation which benefits the public.  It’s up to them what they give, they will not be criticised about that.

 

My photograph was taken with all my hair being grey.  This shows how hard I have worked in life.  Thank goodness my looks are ugly, it would be a waste of everyone’s time, even if one vote passed my way, for being good looking.

 

I woke up the next day, thinking about the strange dream of mine, about my first day as President.  But was it a strange dream?  I am 26 years old, University educated and already rising in the Political World.  I have had

 

Affairs and been clean living in that department, well as much as most 26 year olds.  Who cares if an ex partner writes our love story when I am President, because by then I will be married and have 2.4 children.  It’s a pity some of us got busted for drugs, but when I am President, I will admit it, saying what I took.  I will then win votes among the young for honesty and being with it.

 

Now years have gone by and I really am the president.  It’s my first day in the job and I am woken up at 4.30am about some International happening.  There are Security Staff everywhere; can I go to the toilet on my own now?  My eyes go weird from so many press-taking photos and they have not complemented me much about my victory.  There are too many jobs to do on my own, without meeting the real public.  My partner left me two weeks ago, thanks!  I will send them chocolates for the timing.  It’s lucky I don’t have children; they might admit my mistakes to their friends.

 

Look I am going to change the way the World thinks about life.  This is true democracy, I have been chosen as leader to rule 3529.472 countries.  Think how much the World has saved by only having one ruler instead of many.  My office is a mile long, the public would be pleased they have spent wisely on me looking important.  Now here is the real fun, choosing a partner, ok, probably for life.  I will need a private jet to find the partner, that’s no problem; I have had one flying lesson.  As I leave the front door, billions of people start following me, shouting out demands in many different languages.  They are on my trail because I promised to show them true aims as President.  I will speak to them now about one aim and then they will go home.

 

Somebody help me, I am still President, but four years have gone by and I have had no sleep in that time.  There are still the same number of people following me and millions of complaints have been issued and none been carried out.  If only I had not attended that political rally aged 12, then I would have lived a normal life.

 

 

     HUMPTY DUMPTY IS A LARGE EGG, WHO IS WANTING TO GET  BACKON THE WALL

 

 

I was the first person to arrive on the scene.  I knew this because nobody would have ignored such an individual in so much pain and walk away.  I am of course talking about Humpty Dumpty, who has fallen off a wall.  By the way Humpty Dumpty is a large egg, who is very friendly.  Luckily Humpty’s face is still together and is able to talk.  However all the other pieces of this individual have gone and nobody knows were. Humpty Dumpty praised the Kings horses and all the king’s men for helping, but they had to rush off for an emergency meeting.

 

Far away from the wall, many voices left on the ground are walking towards us. They are offering to help put Humpty Dumpty’s face back on the wall. We all share the weight of the face between us, but however hard we try, Humpty keeps falling off the wall, but is luckily caught below. We are resting away from the wall, when laughter can be heard getting near us and becoming louder. We hide our faces in the ground, which we were told to do in times of danger, by the voices.

 

The laughing gets even louder near Humpty Dumpty’s wall. All our faces

look up at the wall at the same time, by the sheer force of laughter. Instead of being afraid, we all laugh as well. The wall sways one way and another as if dancing. The top bit of the wall falls, which alerts all the King’s horses and all the king’s men in only a few minutes. Now they have arrived, they all start laughing. They are unable to get off the ground, from laughing so much. The wall collapses, luckily missing all of us and we are all amazed why it did not all collapse in one go. Suddenly the laughter stops, there is enough left standing on the wall, to be called a wall!

 

Then a miracle happens, walking from the wall is a lady dressed in old fashioned clothing. She does not know her name, now one of the King’s men is bowing. None of us want to look stupid, so we all bow over and over including the ladies. We are told to keep bowing until the King is here. The King has arrived, the look on his face is amazing. A smile is there on his face and at that moment we stop bowing. The king shouted “That’s my wife, whom we all gave up for dead years ago.”  We all cheered very loudly.

 

The king’s wife stopped talking because a traveller is arriving. We all ask  the traveller why she has walked here. The person announces that when Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, many broken pieces of the body had been taken away. These were taken by passers by and despite Humpty being in so many pieces, the face was still together as mentioned before. People were amazed by Humpty’s sense of humour and despite being in so many pieces, they felt they had to take a piece of Humpty away for good luck which Humpty encouraged. The pieces of the body were taken away to villages and towns.

 

When the people arrived home, when ever they looked at, touched, spoke or thought about Humpty Dumpty’s body, they started laughing. People were blessed with a stronger sense of humour from then on, so the pieces of the body were passed around many homes through out the land. The King suddenly laughed after years of not doing so, because people were so much happier, laughter was passed on to him in a magical way.

 

The King is announcing that Humpty Dumpty is now called “Comedian Humpty Dumpty” and will always be allowed to stay on the remainder of the wall still standing. Humpty Dumpty will attract many visitors because of the ability to make people laugh and for the sense of humour to remain with them. Yet most important is that Humpty Dumpty will always be there, in what ever weather making people happy. If you ever want to find the Town, contact the King, who always talks to anybody. 

 

Well my help is over now, but it was a great honour to meet and help Humpty Dumpty, a large egg, who likes helping people. However, it must remain a secret how everybody got Humpty Dumpty back on the wall!  

 

 

Move Our relatives Pauper’s Grave

 

Two thousand, three thousand, Uncle Jake was not being a snob, but thought his life earnings insulted his parents struggle in bringing their children up in abject poverty.  On the other hand, Jake’s wise spending would surely have sealed their approval on this matter?

 

The doorbell rang and it is Robin, Uncle Jake’s favourite great nephew, 64 years his junior.  Uncle Jake chose today to announce that he once had a sister called April, who died after being struck by a horse and carriage.  Robin, instead of enquiring why this information was being announced now, decided it could be an omen of Uncle Jake’s death, who after all is 94.

 

Uncle Jake, proud of telling Robin once again of his starvation type childhood said April was buried in a pauper’s grave.  Thus Robin, knowing of Jake’s love of religion and knowing that Jesus among other

things had granted Jake a long life, suggested they both visit the paupers grave.  Robin concluded Jake craved this happening because of a remark he made earlier to him in the day in the library.  ‘I choose the length of books carefully, because I am on borrowed time.’  Robin felt shocked; deep down all his family knew Jake still had a good chance of receiving a letter from the Queen on his 100’Th birthday.

 

The journey to the grave consisted of a journalism type agenda, where Jake was trying to recall events from 80+ years ago, about April’s life.  It was hard for Robin to grasp how much Jake changed information about April’s life, due to his wealthy status now. Jake deep down felt proud visiting his sister, but equally felt his words at the Paupers grave would ridicule his sister’s spirit.  This was Jake being paranoid about money again, plus he always felt love in his heart for human beings.

 

The graveyard consisted of hundreds of graves and Jake was naturally vague about the location.  He had never visited the grave, which had removed the trauma of his only sister’s early demise.  Robin went to look at a tree just out of sacred ground and by the tree was a small grave.  Suddenly Robin’s day fell dramatically upon discovering April’s name among some dogs listed on one of the graves. 

 

Jake, after being summoned, knelt on the floor and prayed to the heavens saying-‘please can April be blessed by the Lord to rest peacefully in God’s land, not in some overgrown field.’ Jake then explained to Robin that he had always wanted a sister, but there were only two other brothers.  Jake loved animals and was given a rabbit who he called April, who Jake referred to as the sister he never had.  Jake was devastated when the animal was killed and it felt like the loss of a sister.

 

A gravedigger upon hearing this talk went up to Jake and seemingly started a sob story, due to Jake wearing posh clothes.  However the gravedigger acted as God and insisted April along with the other dogs could obtain restful peace in church land. They prayed for a while and left with satisfaction in their minds.

 

One week later Robin awoke overjoyed, that this morning April would have an honest Christian burial.  Also today was the gravedigger’s daughter’s life saving operation costing two thousand pounds, which Jake paid for in return for April having at last quality rest in God’s land.  At 12 o’clock midday, Robin rang Jake; Robin had just received news that the operation and the reburial had gone very well, by coincidence both ending at 11.30am.  Somebody answered the phone quickly; it was Jake, a local vicar who had visited Jake at 11.00am to say prayers for April.  Uncle Jake had slumped dead on the floor from a heart attack exactly at 11.30am.  Robin had received from seemingly nowhere, the words in his brain at 11.25am the same day that Uncle Jake would die soon.

 

Rest assured this tale doth end well, because a few weeks before, Uncle Jake had told a nephew Henry, that he had had a happy long life.  

 

 

 

“NOBODY STRONG CAN KNOCK DOWN THE FAMILIES TIN HOUSE”

 

 

The family stood by an empty piece of land and then started singing, there were three children and the parents. It was about their determination, to build a tin house, thus their singing would please the building God. There were mansions nearby, which the family said are made out of pumpkins. When the family started building, a star travelled down to earth and gave a hand with a few tins. The neighbours thought it was a hoax, but they were angry that the star never helped them. Somebody appeared with a large lorry to knock down the house, yet the star went so bright, that the lorry driver donated some baked bean tins to them.

 

Well, you can guess who was caught causing trouble with the baked bean tins. Yes, it was that goblin trying to pinch the last baked bean. There was a rumour in the neighbourhood that this goblin could feed its family by making one baked bean very big. The family hid behind a large rock near the house and waited. There is the goblin, with a large wand. Goblin has knocked down nine baked bean tins, what a vandal. There is the baked bean on goblins head, it has turned yellow and is still the same size. Suddenly hundreds of baked beans appeared and goblin was nearly drowned by them. All the neighbours rushed out to watch, the family behind the rock used the baked beans as part of the wall. The baked beans were as hard as rocks; goblin had done the wrong spell.

 

 

Yet, although the house is humble, people write on the tins and throw rubbish by the house. The family have two rooms, sleeping and eating ones. The three children sleep near a cobra’s den, but because the family are friendly towards nature, the snakes make clothing out of their old skin for the children who are three, five, and seven. The neighbours say their houses have devalued because of the family’s tin house, yet the full moon only gives protection over their house against the wolves. Even when the wolves appeared, the family learnt to dance with them. In return, the wolves brought lots of floor covering, simple but adding some comfort in their lives.

 

 

It is an 8 mile round trip to get water, the neighbours offered to build them a well. This they did, but it was a wishing one and nobody could remember the instructions. The other animals collected wood and the family made buckets out of them. It was a couple of sheep, which felt strong enough to take the two huge buckets of water. The sheep felt not like a beast of burden, but worthy of helping the poor family. Thus, the well gave them water as a reward.

 

 

Well one night there was a huge cry and many streetlights were relit for the first time in 40 years. The family and the house, were twenty feet in the air, supported by some black stuff, it was oil. The jet of oil suddenly got bigger and it gushed over 25 very big houses. You can imagine the anger on people’s faces, but the family of tins felt sorry and the goblin volunteered to lick clean the houses. The oil gave the family extra warmth for winter, being directly under the house. The so-called smart houses people called in investors to start getting the oil.

 

 

However, the family walked out of their house with crowns on. They were from an ancient tribe, wiped out when the oil investors came. These crowns were real and this time the oil company were humbled. The equipment they had, they melted down, which was used as a roof for the tin house family. What luxury away from suns smile and moon being playful, but now they could sleep for more than 4 hours. The oil had turned to water by a magic person, but in fact, the oil was out of date, because the land was so perfect to hide the oil away.

 

 

The oil made itself go bad realizing that the families tin cans were of more importance. These had been made by prisoners who were real life animals working for a few scraps of food each day. Yet now the bones of the animals had melted into the ground, were the tin house was made. That is why it is always safe there and the family will always invite you in. However, bring a tin can, it may not sound much, but it is helping the families livelihood. The mansions nearby fell into disuse, so the animals moved in, prisoners no more.

 

 

 OH DEAR, PEOPLE HAVE FALLEN OUT OF A PLANE,LETS NOT PANIC

 

 

She was always in a hurry, but this time it caught her out. She was walking up and down a plane for exercise, when she fell against a button. There was a loud noise and seacalm, which is her name and ten other people from the plane were blown out of it. Luckily for the other people, the plane door was shut immediately, by a bird who was positive and very strong.  In tomorrows newspaper, that bird will appear in golden lights and you will be able to see tributes from people thrown into the clouds, regarding this kind gesture from the bird. 

 

 

So what is happening to the people outside the plane? Surprisingly people kept very calm. They knew they were going to reach Earth soon, so why not have some fun. Whilst falling, they pretended they were in a lake swimming and amazingly they flew across, at a slower pace than before. They all did this at the same time, a line of sky animals all cheered and a voice from nowhere announced they were the first people to fly without wings. Some of the people praised God, that God was sending them a message, but it was the sun speaking. It only spoke when a big event in the sky was happening, so the people flying were very happy.

 

 

Well, here are the people now flying once again and could see their sun tan growing ever bigger. It reminded them of a desert island and wondered why they had not fallen unconscious yet. They all did exercises in the air, moving ones legs upwards, twirling around like a ballerina, that is a compliment, raise your hands and stare straight ahead. What was strange, was that they saw their skin simply roll off, whilst exercising. One passenger was still carrying fizzy water and because they were in the air, the volume of water got bigger. This was the true fountain of life, just before death hits them. They felt like infant adults again, endless summers etc. The fountain and the glass stuck to the ladies hand and would not budge, so the fountain was kept on.

 

 

Suddenly they saw buildings and knew their journey of life was at a close. They sang the National Anthem of the sky, which the eagles had taught them. They fell through clouds and  strange kind of floating balls hung on to each human, refusing to budge. Then, what do you know, they fell onto a low flying plane, the floating balls and humans were stuck onto the plane. The humans and balls kept banging on the roof and peering in at the windows, yet the plane did not land. Instead it was going straight towards a building and people inside the plane were screaming.

 

 

The people on the roof of the plane then got into a line and the balls started moving the humans as window wipers. The water was used from the fountain and the plane slowed down, the more it was cleaned. People on the ground recognized the balls as danger and were able to flee. The plane landed below in an empty street and people threw decorations out of the window until the plane was covered. The commandos could then storm the plane, 3 hijackers were captured and everybody released unharmed.

 

 

When the hijackers were captured, they were found to be drunk despite drinking no alcohol. However, the fumes of the water from the passengers glass at such a height, had gone through the front window of the plane and went continually into the hijackers mouths. They had not been able to shut their mouths, because they were so amazed at what was going on. Oh yes, the people who fell out of the plane, made money for good causes by selling the balls from the sky to people in high rise buildings. It meant they could jump out of a building and they would stick to the ball and it would act like a parachute, meaning many lives could be saved.

 

 

You may wonder why the lady, who pressed a button to open the plane, was on the plane. She was protesting against her husband and children eating so many sweets at home, so she sold them all and decided with the money, to have a days holiday, just on the plane. She got so carried away by flying for the first time, she pressed the airplane exit button, thinking an attendant would be able to give her another sweet.

 

 

OH DEAR, PEOPLE HAVE FALLEN OUT OF A PLANE, LETS NOT PANIC

 

 

She was always in a hurry, but this time it caught her out. She was walking up and down a plane for exercise, when she fell against a button. There was a loud noise and seacalm, which is her name and ten other people from the plane were blown out of it. Luckily for the other people, the plane door was shut immediately, by a bird who was positive and very strong.  In tomorrows newspaper, that bird will appear in golden lights and you will be able to see tributes from people thrown into the clouds, regarding this kind gesture from the bird. 

 

 

So what is happening to the people outside the plane? Surprisingly people kept very calm. They knew they were going to reach Earth soon, so why not have some fun. Whilst falling, they pretended they were in a lake swimming and amazingly they flew across, at a slower pace than before. They all did this at the same time, a line of sky animals all cheered and a voice from nowhere announced they were the first people to fly without wings. Some of the people praised God, that God was sending them a message, but it was the sun speaking. It only spoke when a big event in the sky was happening, so the people flying were very happy.

 

 

Well, here are the people now flying once again and could see their sun tan growing ever bigger. It reminded them of a desert island and wondered why they had not fallen unconscious yet. They all did exercises in the air, moving ones legs upwards, twirling around like a ballerina, that is a compliment, raise your hands and stare straight ahead. What was strange, was that they saw their skin simply roll off, whilst exercising. One passenger was still carrying fizzy water and because they were in the air, the volume of water got bigger. This was the true fountain of life, just before death hits them. They felt like infant adults again, endless summers etc. The fountain and the glass stuck to the ladies hand and would not budge, so the fountain was kept on.

 

 

Suddenly they saw buildings and knew their journey of life was at a close. They sang the National Anthem of the sky, which the eagles had taught them. They fell through clouds and  strange kind of floating balls hung on to each human, refusing to budge. Then, what do you know, they fell onto a low flying plane, the floating balls and humans were stuck onto the plane. The humans and balls kept banging on the roof and peering in at the windows, yet the plane did not land. Instead it was going straight towards a building and people inside the plane were screaming.

 

 

The people on the roof of the plane then got into a line and the balls started moving the humans as window wipers. The water was used from the fountain and the plane slowed down, the more it was cleaned. People on the ground recognized the balls as danger and were able to flee. The plane landed below in an empty street and people threw decorations out of the window until the plane was covered. The commandos could then storm the plane, 3 hijackers were captured and everybody released unharmed.

 

 

When the hijackers were captured, they were found to be drunk despite drinking no alcohol. However, the fumes of the water from the passengers glass at such a height, had gone through the front window of the plane and went continually into the hijackers mouths. They had not been able to shut their mouths, because they were so amazed at what was going on. Oh yes, the people who fell out of the plane, made money for good causes by selling the balls from the sky to people in high rise buildings. It meant they could jump out of a building and they would stick to the ball and it would act like a parachute, meaning many lives could be saved.

 

 

You may wonder why the lady, who pressed a button to open the plane, was on the plane. She was protesting against her husband and children eating so many sweets at home, so she sold them all and decided with the money, to have a days holiday, just on the plane. She got so carried away by flying for the first time, she pressed the airplane exit button, thinking an attendant would be able to give her another sweet.

 

 

Rats Save the World

 

Shirley wore a pear tied to the top of her hair, which amazed people when they saw it.  People she reckoned, no longer wanted to talk to her properly, but to gasp at the pear, more valuable than gold.  Shirley worked in a high-rise building, in the fashion industry.  This career helped publicize the plight of the pear, because she spent much time walking around the streets, meeting the public in striking clothes.

 

One day Shirley was staring over the 80th floor rest area balcony at work.  She was trying to work out how long people down below would survive now fruit was becoming a distant past from their diet.  The pear tied around her head suddenly fell down below to the ground.  Maybe by fate, somebody had caught it, thus preserving a rare piece of the human diet.  Yet despite all the people down below, it hit a rat.  People seeing the rat screamed and ran in all directions shouting ‘help, it’s a rat.’  This caused chaos for a while with people being knocked over.

 

Quickly, the rat grew, not sideways but tall.  People had read about this happening in other places, but refused to believe it.  Some humans expected something special to occur, which might benefit them.  The rat grew 40 feet high; people in the building dared not challenge its authority.  The rat spoke in a female-male voice very loudly saying-‘I have not arrived to tread upon you, but to apologize for squashing the last pear in existence.’

 

Shirley had a panic attack because she had failed to preserve the last fruit in existence on earth.  It had been posted to her house in a secret mould, which would last forever.  Her role was to show it to as many people as possible, so humankind would learn its mistake.  Many places were empty of people; they could not survive because there was no fruit left.  Some mysterious force had wiped out fruit growing, fruit inside buildings weltered and fruit seeds refused to grow.  Humans blamed animals and animals blamed humans.  Humans had been warned about a catastrophe concerning fruit, but they considered themselves too advanced for something like that to happen.

 

The rat leapt to the 80th floor of the building in a swirling manner.  People applauded, the first praise that a rat had ever received from humans.  The rat kissed Shirley saying ‘trust me’, making sure everybody heard.  Shirley then walked down the side of the building without falling over.  This persuaded people that the rat might be of use to humankind in some way, but surely not after being persecuted for so long.

 

Suddenly, thousands of rats appeared carrying seedlings on their backs, which were identified as that of fruit.  Rats had stored the seeds for many years in their hideouts.  The seeds were so perfect, they were planted far and wide and produced millions more fruit than expected in only a few weeks.  It meant that humankind would survive, because for the first time, there was positive action between people and rats.  The humans instead of killing rats learnt their secrets about fruit.

 

This tale took place in no identifiable country and the date varies so much, because of its importance.  Who would have guessed that the rat, humankind’s most hated creature would have saved humans from extinction?  

 

 

THE CHARACTERS ARE HERE, EVERYBODY RELAX,

MEDITATION, PLEASE WORLDWIDE

 

 

7.03 am, the children saw it with their own eyes. Well known non human characters including very well relaxed ones, were releasing themselves from the wall, on which they were stuck onto. They had bits to seat themselves on and they told adults and children, they would be back at the end of the day. This happened throughout the country and children were so pleased these characters had come to life. The children hoped they would speak the same language, but they all spoke different ones.

 

 

In the shops, all the furry animals left as well. Staff tried to grab them, but always grabbed other objects, which were not escaping. The furry animals jumped up and down when outside the shop, amusing passers by, which threw money into boxes. The characters came along and took away the money to be spent on the celebrations. A tuna fish swimming in the air told stories to children, whilst blowing bubbles.

 

 

Proper human beings were rushing around too much. They were persuaded by many of the characters to relax more in the streets etc. These characters provided rugs of all different colours and as soon as people sat down, they meditated and shouted for peace. Everybody began to speak slower, so shop staff and customers developed more of a

bond, instead of rushing around. This increased sales, but kept the mood very tranquil, with nobody trying to get the final word in.

 

 

The characters provided people with new coloured clothes, all multi coloured. Many different characters told the story of Adam and Eve. Individual humans had no problems of shedding their clothes and marching around talking. This was because every thing

was steady in ones brain, so the nakedness could not be seen as wrong. The colours caused rainbows not to appear, because they would not get the attention they deserved. However, rainbows gathered with the masses of people, who were all behaving themselves. They were waiting for the special moment, it was shared joy, and no words were needed.

 

 

These scenes happened all around the World that day, because of the vibes given off, by all the characters. Human houses were given many different colours, everybody was more cheerful and not stressed out. It encouraged peaceful debate without mass

outbursts of anger, pain etc. It also made work easier, because people were so thrilled, to feel they weighed nothing. It meant real issues were passed through, which benefited everybody in the community.

 

 

Well now, the whole World is the same time of day. This was organized by the characters, which flew on branches etc, around the globe. The energies released by World relaxation at the same time, helped everybody that day. The power in their bones was spread to each area of their lives, so people would have a special time for guaranteed relaxation. Everybody benefits worldwide, with different customs etc being taken into account.

 

 

Well now, people’s eyes were given special powers, to see the special moment in their country. This power would last for 30 minutes, once again made possible, because everybody was having fun. There was a new country, which was very small, which had grown quickly, thanks to World Peace today. Different forms of assistance were sent by the bubbles, which kept floating, by everybody being relaxed. Everybody sat on the green grass, which had grown especially for humans today. The humans now sat in a way, which was far calmer than the characters.

 

 

The special individual just sat there and the vibes lifted and went World Wide in a couple of hours. This was so everybody could see the energies, which were of every colour. Nobody spoke, because the magic would be broken. Well nothing was quite the same again, yes, the characters did return to a hero’s welcome. The World was a different place and still is, with people acting calmer. Meditation is practiced by all, people remembered a character, stuck onto some wall near them. The Characters are World wide, who gives out soft bottles of calm air. It will never run out, so calm everybody, stay calm, and relax.

 

 

THE OLD LANGUAGE RETURNED

 

A perfect night for fishing by the sea and she fell asleep.  When she awoke, it felt like she had caught the largest fish in the World.  There had been a sudden storm, so the rod was blown upwards and it had kept going up and up and up!  She realized that the rod had cheekily tied itself around a planet in the sky.  Luckily a local person walked by and was told to get as much help as possible.  Many people arrived with their cameras snapping the lady with her precious catch.  Then everybody formed a chain and began to pull and slowly the planet moved towards them.  Then suddenly the planet fell onto the beach, luckily at low tide.

 

Well, the Town population swarmed onto it like it was a shipwreck.  The planet was very round when suddenly figures appeared from huge holes.  They wore outfits of many colours and were the same size as human beings.  When they talked for the first time, it snowed and rained for nine minutes.  The figures presented the Town people with bits of planet, one person tried cooking it and it tasted very nice.  This individual organized a gang of 200 people to cut off with knifes etc as much planet as possible, so it could be sold to tourists as a tasty bit of food from another World.  The space people had been taken to a hotel by a planet enthusiast, but it was too warm in the hotel, so they slept perfectly well outside in the garden.  When this was occurring, the 200 headstrong gang attacked the planet overpowering local security.  They had arrived in lorries, so huge amounts were taken which meant less research could be done on the planet.

 

The planet was exhibited in a large Town Hall and people gave all kinds of objects/object or nothing as an entrance fee.  The space people did a dance and singing concert.  What was weird was when the audience joined in to sing, some of them spoke in the language of the space people, whilst others tried to sing and nothing came out at all.  The concert went on for an hour, but was cancelled because one local found that she was speaking more space language than the normal dialect.  She was taken away to a special centre for studying these space people.

 

Gradually more of the local people started to speak the language of the space people, there were only ten people from the planet.  This caused them anxiety because they felt somebody was speaking for them.  The space people learnt to speak the language of the Town people and explained that bits of the planet had fallen away into space with space people on it.  Luckily those people had managed to land the bits of the planet they were on, onto other planets and thus managed to survive.  However, they were dumping the discarded bits of planet into space with no regard to the other planets.  The bit of the planet they were on could not be steered properly and they feared they would crash land.  For some reason they began to speak in other languages they had not heard of before and it slowed down the speed of the planet.  It was only when they reached earth were they able to speak their own language again.

 

This information was all recorded and stored in the makeshift centre with the rest of the planet, everybody had taken a piece of it as a souvenir.  However people began to get in trouble because they kept speaking the language of the space people at work.  An example was somebody working at a bank, when asking key questions to the customer, mixed space words with normal ones.  The doctors etc, devised many plans on how to prevent it, but it was like speaking in tongues which began to frighten people.  It was sad, but people began to realize that the space people must be to blame.  Everybody spoke on tapes with evidence of this happening and one cassette was buried as a time capsule.

 

The space people seemingly had no way to get home, until somebody devised a clever system.  A circle was devised which the space people could rest on for their journey and it was then placed around earth people.  The earth people started chanting in space language, which formed creatures made out of the letters of the space alphabet, who lifted the circle into the air.  The words of the earth people kept on repeating themselves loudly to the space people, even when they were far away.  The repeating of the words helped the creatures to hold on to the circle, which assisted in the space people able to navigate themselves back home safely.

 

The people on earth kept speaking the space language and they missed their friends from another planet.  However one day there was a party on the beach for the whole Town, when suddenly a discarded piece of planet, which the careless people had thrown away went towards them and crashed into them and everything was silent.  However everybody realized that it was a pretend sighting and started speaking in another language.  This was not another space one, but one which a person of 102 recognized.  It was the old language of the area, which had eventually died out.  It encouraged communities nearby to learn the old language as well, an example was in schools.

 

Many people went to hear these people speak, who felt proud of the old tongue.  One aspect which puzzled people was how come a word from the old language had appeared on a piece of discarded planet? 

 

 

THIS CAT BELONGS TO EVERYONE

 

 

People are helping making soft toy cats in a factory to be sent to every type of person. This was a new idea of Social Services to help people. The cat has an orange body which shows it is loving and needs affection back. The mouth is pink for reflection, which will make people think harder about other people’s lives and their own and what is missing from them. The green eyes signify praise which will encourage people to be more generous in thanking people.

 

Everyone needs an extra companion and there is a guarantee that you will find favour with this soft toy cat. It can never be thrown away, because it will just return, even though it is not alive. When the cats arrived at people’s different places of living, nobody questioned what they were for and there were no instructions with them. The effects for people were immediate and helped people’s lives in many ways. An example was that people helped each other in times of crisis on a scale not seen before for a large while.

 

One day everybody noticed that the soft toy cat’s eyes had grown a lot bigger, which threatened people’s good behaviour, which occurred because of being given the cats. Everything would be negative and chaos would reign. There may be an increase in crimes of every nature, but nobody can stop it. There would be no outside help, because everybody had the same problem. However people did not blame the cats and they were seen as a greater companion than before. This was only a soft toy cat, so it must have been people’s imagination  that the cat’s eyes had got bigger. The Police were over stretched with a new crime being done, that of people taking off their clothes and running around the streets. Luckily this was the only increase in crime, but a growing menace every day.

 

At the factory where the cats were being made, there was alarm. Business had slumped because nobody wanted another cat, for example, families had learnt to share the one cat. Also the factory heard from the police that crime had spread in all areas, the day the cats eyes got bigger. However the violence could not be linked to the cat because it had become the most popular item with some families.

 

There was a person starting their first day at the cat factory on work experience. Well this person did not wish to sound very clever, but suggested there was too much of one colour on the cat. It was suggested that there should be an equal amount of colours on it. Also one colour had not been given a role to play in peoples feelings, like the other colours. The work experience individual said toleration could be the persons feeling role for this colour. Well there was worry that jobs might be lost in Social Services, if their latest experiment to help people failed. Thus everybody had to be sent another cat with the colours being equal. An appeal had to be made that all the old cats must be returned, their colours would still be used in other plans of the social services.

 

The new cats were sent out to everybody, no person had been missed out before. However it was noticed that people had changed the colour of the old cat to the same proportions of colour on the new cart. It was asked how they had done that, but nobody had a rational explanation! People decided to accept the new cat, because it looked the same as the other one. These cats were free of charge provided by the social services, but people felt guilty that nothing had been given in exchange. So people made all kinds of donations to social services but not money and they visited social services more, which pleased everybody. Gradually the cats were seen as soft toy cats rather than changing people’s lives, luckily real pets were never affected by the cats. However it was noticed that no real animal had torn or damaged the cat in any way. This was despite the fact that the cats had never been placed out of reach from real animals.

 

Well it is now recognized that the soft toy cat’s eyes never did get bigger. People thought the eyes got bigger, when imagining about crime escalation. This in turn made them think about their own skin colour, because of the proportions of colour on the soft toy cat. It helped people who were of one colour to see the mistakes they made in the past towards people of other colours and people of all colours realized mistakes they had made. Well it remains to be seen what the outcome of all this will be long term, but people largely think it could lead to something positive. The rise in crime has not yet occurred but its early days.

 

In the mean while the soft toy cats are still looked after well and don’t forget, they will be given away to any individual, without money being given.

 

 

  THIS EXECUTION HAS TURNED INTO A CIRCUS WHY  IS THERE NO CONTROL  THESE DAYS?

 

 

The people were mainly poorly dressed for the execution, a beheading. There was a huge crowd there of all ages talking about if the persons hair would turn grey on the head before it was removed. This feat had happened a few weeks ago and some people had won a massive peacock which flew around in their kitchen whenever they were eating.

 

The executioner was all dressed in pink, which received taunts from the crowd. He or She said beheading was joyful, because the weather in the nearby field was always much better than anywhere else on the day of execution. Executioner then led the guards into a dance and song called “The executioners swing” which was longer than the average  death song which was around 1 minute.

 

Then the guility person came out and threw their shirt in the air, the lady who caught it fainted. Instantly she was picked up and the guilty person was allowed to kiss her, she almost woke up but not quite. If she had done, guilty person would go free. There is normally a let off at executions, but it spoils the fun for us.

 

Next the block was brought out, with some cheese on it. This was to feed the guilty persons adopted pet bat, which flew over the crowd and landed on their head. It refused to move, which annoyed some perfect people. They said it was luxury for some loved adopted pet to be touching their Master’s shoes whilst being executed. These people were promptly thrown into the stocks and faces were licked by children of all ages, to show how bad these people were. Typical these executions are always long.

 

Well finally the head was on the block and the executioner went back a few steps, this was unusual, maybe it was her/his first time. Executioner then ran forward and swung the axe, but was bitten by the bat. The executioner then swung a stick guiding the suns rays towards the infected part, 5 minutes later another beheading attempt was made. This time the axe spun out of the hands and raced towards the guards and cleanly took off their heads. The heads laughed when removed and were caught by a juggler who ran away. Executioner had probably lost their job by now.

 

Well the crowd started singing dirty ballads and the pink of the executioner’s outfit started to vanish and there was nobody there. Then the clothes which had turned black started to turn back and ran towards the crowd. The bat which was shrieking kept nipping old ladies knitting and honey flowed from the knitting which people took home. The clothes grew bigger and covered the crowds with them, there was much laughing. The clothes then vanished and all the people had turned into ghosts, which the executioner was as well. The ghosts all ran towards the guilty man and were anointed with some spray by the bat still clinging on guilty ones teeth which had fallen out due to shock.

 

The guilty man went home and wrote down the story. He could never finish, because every word which he wrote he went back in time so many years. This depended on how old the person was who had bumped into him as a ghost. As there were over 1000 people in the crowd, guilty person has gone back to the dinosaurs now. Any way he was not guilty, his wife thought she was signing the milk bill, but was accidentally given an executioners timetable by mistake. Who ever did that was sent in the corner of a room for a long long long long long time.

 

WE ARE The Best,THEREFORE WE CANNOT BE DEFEATED BY THE DESERT”

 

 

He thought he was the best in many ways and so did she, they were a competitive couple and the envy of many. Their latest challenge was some Desert walking on their own, why should they need guides? They were good looking and loved the outdoors, so why worry about crossing the Desert? Possibly because it was better known than their words, which takes a lot of doing.

 

 

Their problems started on the second day. They had a map which was pinched from what looked like a happy monster. The monster had seemingly devoured it whole and then it drew a list of objects in the ground, whilst the couple watched helplessly. They missed these things dearly and tried to erase the drawings, but they refused to go. She tried to shoot some animals for necessary food, but even a few feet away hit only the sand. One of these animals flew back against a rock and went straight into His mouth. He swallowed it whole and his whole body turned yellow.

 

 

                            

When the Diamonds are gone

 

Yes, I remember the Country well, a place full of genuine smiles and lack of hatred. It was not plagued by Civil War and tourists felt they had discovered a new Eden. True, there were books written about it and mass tourism did arrive, but a genuine presence was kept, in which people from there really enjoyed talking to you.

 

 

It was when showing my child a map, that even her face grew pale, when she read out the country aloud. True, usually the press built up a situation to false levels, but this time their predictions had come true. In a few years, my daughter planned to travel there with friends, to retrace my steps from many years before. It was not up to me to discourage her, but I felt genuine anxiety that the smile would be different on people living there.

 

 

I had looked in other travel places, but very few Companies offered this country as a destination. I asked why? but was given a series of vague replies. So I decided to travel there myself, my daughter was 13, so we could go in the summer holidays, for a month. When booking, I was given many other places as alternatives. On the plane there, people refused to accept I was going there on holiday. To them I was a reporter, which people in neighbouring Countries had grown weary of. This is because they were facing up to a new beginning and wanted to forget certain elements of the past.

 

 

There were places of beauty to visit in this Country, lovely flowers and the choice of any house to enter. There was no traffic but luckily the birds sang. A few people walked by, ready to leave the place for another country. Yet paradise was still here, lovely beaches, the rain felt full of embrace. People would eventually move into the country, due to overcrowding in other countries and then the fear of pinching another country would go.

 

 

So when I awake, it had all been a dream, yet we had to act to save this country before the people vanished. It was not a case of preaching the word, disposing of dictators, or jabbing with needles to eradicate disease. We did not need to collect money, so we hoped Worldwide that more people would listen, but what can they do about it? People have problems of their own, they do not have time to feel guilty about somebody, rumoured to be many miles away.

 

 

But you see, this was where the joke lay.  The fact that this problem was in our country and our country alone. People vanished and instead there were diamonds. People would try and steal the diamonds, so people turned into statues and the diamonds would lie there in the ground. It was like a modern day version of the sword in the stone. There were honest and dishonest diamonds and the two were hard to identify by people taking them.

 

 

It was only when one person photographed the diamonds that the diamonds turned into people. Gradually the diamonds went, yet the people they turned into, had only been alive hours or minutes. All the people knew that the Countries wealth would be replaced by suffering in other places, so why would it not happen here? There are a few more days before the diamonds vanish completely, yet more humans are appearing than bodies vanishing. The diamonds are now reduced to memories, however they did not return to the Country again.

 

 

My dream was infact a lecture which I gave on the Country, encouraging it to return to the good times again. Yet there were memories everywhere of ten years, which had escaped my knowledge. This is when the Country was deserted, like at the beginning of this story, so how come I missed out this knowledge? Simply diamonds cause one to be happy and to forget, they cause people to do things that makes people regret. An example is raising a foreign army overseas, overpowering the Government and stealing diamonds.

 

 

This is a story I read was it? Is my memory fading? Why is that diamond with a knife besides it? An archaeology dig? That’s enough now, goodnight.                      

 

 

 

The man compared himself to the black cat who had so many 9 lives. In fact, he saw the black cat walking in front and behind both of them. It was both their lucky charm and they began to follow it, but it got them more and more lost. In the end, they sang some long lost songs and cactus grew, so they had made their mark in the Desert by helping it and improving their self confidence.They saw old items of trade . However, images of their owners appeared at night and frightened them. They were not ghosts, but warning signs about being known too much, even in their own country. Now they were totally lost and the water ran out.

 

 

The water ran out because they thought being clever that they would find the route, but nobody had for many years. Desert creatures teased them by showing how appalling their geography was and showed them a pair of walking brains hopelessly lost. The couple had brought the best kit money could buy, but it proved useless, because the couple had done little preparation before venturing in to Desert. Finally, they saw a mirage, but it was an animal lost for generations in the desert and thought to be extinct.  The animal picked them up suddenly and flew off deeper into the desert. The couple were so down to earth, they thought it was some local invention. But it really was a magic animal, said by some to be over a 1000 years old.

 

 

They arrived at some very large Palace with animals as workers, to look after them completely in the fashion they wanted. The couple thought this was a hotel for humans only, but animals outdid them using words. The couple learnt how to fly magic animals and how to appreciate their ways. In essence they thought they had learnt a lot.

 

 

The next hurdle arrived when The Palace ran out of water. The animal guests vanished and soon the human couple were the only ones left, all the workers had gone too. In the distance, they saw a horse carrying something and when it was closer they got a shock.  It was a neighbours horse and it was pulling a carriage. The owner of the hotel was very amused, but not the human couple, because in the carriage was a photograph of the couple. There was also a note saying this photograph would get bigger at night, so they could sleep under it and they would stay very warm. However, a cheque was demanded for a lot of money, but the couple were helpless. When he finished writing it, the horse, carriage and photo vanished in the distance.

 

 

They slept very well under the photograph, but when awoken, their clothes vanished and they could not get out of the photograph. However the photograph turned into 2 people looking exactly the same as the couple. Suddenly there was a clear light across the desert. The four of them carried the poor horse towards the shining light and survived without drinking water. It was a 3 day walk and they kept going, because when they stopped, so did the shining light. Near the end of the journey, they heard a noise in the horse, it was a snake wrestling with a cup of water with the horse.

 

 

They wrestled with the animals and separated them. The horse appeared in pink socks and the snake said they were both 200 years old. The other couple then got onto the snake and horse and vanished. The other couple came across the photo of themselves, but infact was a blanket. It was freezing temperatures that night, but the blanket saved them. They made their way back to the Palace, but it had crumbled into the sand. However the blanket was seen miles away from the 1000 year old animal, which its master had made many years before, now they were reunited.

 

 

At that point, people appeared, to congratulate the couple on passing their honeymoon test. Now their life was normal again, which they preferred. 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© GnomeingSpriteicus 2011

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