Bertie Ballstrong

Bertie was a dirty beast

Who dwelt within the mire

He bathed in mud, thick clay and crud

And he liked to play the lyre

‘Mud and dirt it never hurt

And I am never to be clean

I spend my time in filth and grime

And my skin you’ve never seen’

So sang Bertie the dirty beast

Alone but always happy

The only clothes he chose to wear

Were a top hat and a nappy

Most people they avoided him

And past him swiftly by

Some tried to give him bars of soap

‘But wash?!’

He’d rather die!

Bertie was a dirty beast

Who liked to sing all day

His voice was like a cat in pain

That would turn a man’s hair grey…

‘Why live in mud?’

I asked of him, the smell the stench, it was so grim,

He simply smiled and began to laugh

‘A mud bath is a pleasure’

And I like to play the lyre and live

My life of leisure’

So Bertie never left the mire

He was happy bathed in grime,

Perhaps one day I will choose to stay 

If I ever have the time?!…

Bertie Ballstrong