The Tootalu

The Tootalu, he grew and grew

And lived on pints of ale and stew

He scoffed when others said of him

‘You’re growing big, why don’t you slim?’

‘Sort out your weight, or you’ll get ill’

‘Surely now you’ve had your fill?’

But the Tootalu paid no heed 

Because all he ever did was feed

His swelling belly with hot stew

And never ever used a loo

This did little to reduce his weight

And led him to an awful fate

One day when he had drunk much ale

His blubbery skin it turned quite pale

His bottom rumbled and he blew

His body split and fell in two

He learned his lesson, but too late

And now he waits at Heaven’s gate

Because this creature is so wide

Dear God won’t let him step inside.

The Tootalu