I'm so excited and I can't contain it anymore
Who will be crowned King or Queen on the ballroom floor?
Who has the X Factor or who will end up feeling sore?
It's strictly competitive and I know who's keeping score
Oh why can't I sing and prance around on TV
Where's my moment of glam history?
I want it to be all about me!
This elation is only making me long for a wee
Instead I'm just playing jiggery pokery
Conjuring up walking through "tonight Matthew's" smokery
But I'm too old now like my broken crockery
So I instead smoke leaning on my poker-knee
My heart is racing so fast it may stop
If I carry on like this I will go pop
Let's focus on something else like Hengis' mop
Before I get arrested by that dodgy looking cop
